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| Why Can't I Own a Canadian?
October 2002
Dr. Laura Schlessinger is a radio personality who dispenses advice to people who call in to her radio show. Recently, she said that, as an observant Orthodox Jew, homosexuality is an abomination according to Leviticus 18:22 and cannot be condoned under any circumstance. The following is an open letter to Dr. Laura penned by a east coast resident, which was posted on the Internet. It's funny, as well as informative:
Dear Dr. Laura:
Thank you for doing so much to educate people regarding God's Law. I have learned a great deal from your show, and try to share that knowledge with as many people as I can. When someone tries to defend the homosexual lifestyle, for example, I simply remind them that Leviticus 18:22 clearly states it to be an abomination. End of debate. I do need some advice from you, however, regarding some of the other specific laws and how to follow them:
When I burn a bull on the altar as a sacrifice, I know it creates a pleasing odor for the Lord - Lev.1:9. The problem is my neighbors. They claim the odor is not pleasing to them. Should I smite them?
I would like to sell my daughter into slavery, as sanctioned in Exodus 21:7. In this day and age, what do you think would be a fair price for her?
I know that I am allowed no contact with a woman while she is in her period of menstrual uncleanliness - Lev.15:19- 24. The problem is, how do I tell? I have tried asking, but most women take offense.
Lev. 25:44 states that I may indeed possess slaves, both male and female, provided they are purchased from neighboring nations. A friend of mine claims that this applies to Mexicans, but not Canadians. Can you clarify? Why can't I own Canadians?
I have a neighbor who insists on working on the Sabbath. Exodus 35:2 clearly states he should be put to death. Am I morally obligated to kill him myself?
A friend of mine feels that even though eating shellfish is an abomination - Lev. 11:10, it is a lesser abomination than homosexuality. I don't agree. Can you settle this?
Lev. 21:20 states that I may not approach the altar of God if I have a defect in my sight. I have to admit that I wear reading glasses. Does my vision have to be 20/20, or is there some wiggle room here?
Most of my male friends get their hair trimmed, including the hair around their temples, even though this is expressly forbidden by Lev. 19:27. How should they die?
I know from Lev. 11:6-8 that touching the skin of a dead pig makes me unclean, but may I still play football if I wear gloves?
My uncle has a farm. He violates Lev. 19:19 by planting two different crops in the same field, as does his wife by wearing garments made of two different kinds of thread (cotton/polyester blend). He also tends to curse and blaspheme a lot. Is it really necessary that we go to all the trouble of getting the whole town together to stone them? - Lev.24:10-16. Couldn't we just burn them to death at a private family affair like we do with people who sleep with their in-laws? (Lev. 20:14)
I know you have studied these things extensively, so I am confident you can help. Thank you again for reminding us that God's word is eternal and unchanging.
Your devoted fan,
Jim
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The Reason You Chose Your Partner: The Imago Theory
 "[Understanding this theory] changed my relationship. It's unbelievable. It's almost like an electric current. Everybody draws to themselves the partner that most can reflect and help you to heal the wounds of your past." — Oprah Harville Hendrix's groundbreaking tools and techniques are called Imago Relationship Therapy. It can help you understand the hidden reason you picked your partner and show you how to heal your relationship and yourself. The Theory Behind Imago
Your 'Imago,' which is a Latin term for 'image,' is essentially a composite picture of the people who most influenced you at an early age.
Dr. Hendrix believes that you unconsciously choose a partner, an 'Imago match,' who has positive and negative traits similar to your parents. This partner has the potential to help you heal unresolved pain from childhood.
What is Imago Relationship Therapy?
Imago Relationship Therapy is a form of couples counseling that suggests that your marriage is therapy—you become healed not by a counselor but by the relationship itself.
Unresolved childhood pain such as abandonment, rejection, smothering, shame and helplessness often resurface in your marriage, and is the core of what is causing the pain and conflict in your relationship.
The partner you chose, your 'Imago match,' is often the best person to help you heal because he or she is similar to your childhood caretakers in emotionally significant ways.
Couples Exercise
When you are in the midst of an argument, try asking yourself these four questions to get at the root of your pain. Have your partner do the same.
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How do I feel when my partner acts this way? |
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What thoughts do I have when my partner acts this way? |
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What deeper feelings might underlie these thoughts and feelings? |
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Did I ever have these same thoughts and feelings when I was a child? |
There are three basic steps to achieving healthy communication, and an extra "gift" that will really strengthen your dialogue. This is the crucial communication technique that helps couples move beyond painful arguments and power struggles.
Intentional Dialogue Exercise: Validating Your partner does not have to agree with your argument to validate it. "It's not enough just to be heard, it's 'Do you see that I'm not crazy?'" — Dr. Hendrix
Validating Exercise
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To validate your message, your partner needs to use the right language. Start sentences like this:
Example: "You make sense because..."
Or, "I can see what you're saying..."
Using the phrase, "...makes sense..." may be helpful. It tells you that your partner doesn't think your feelings are crazy. |
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Intentional Dialogue Exercise: Empathizing
The next big step in the dialoguing process is for your partner to empathize with your expressed feelings.
"Figure out the feeling, and go to that place with him or her. Step into that place with them and they will know you exist for them in that moment. That's a connection." — Dr. Hendrix
Empathy Exercise
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Your partner can start the empathy exercise with one of the following:
Example: "I can imagine that you might be feeling..."
Or, "I can see you are feeling..." |
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Since it's impossible to know exactly what a person feels, your partner should check for accuracy.
He should ask "Is that what you're feeling?" If he didn't understand the feeling, you should readdress the message. |
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If you share new feelings with you partner upon reiteration, he must mirror those feelings.
Example: "Is there more about that feeling?" | |
"The Gift" Dr. Hendrix suggests asking your partner for a behavior change in the form of a "gift." 'What is it that you want that you're not getting?" "Instead of beating your partner up about it, translate the frustration into the wish." — Dr. Hendrix
Giving "The Gift"
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It's time to ask your partner for a small, positive request.
Start by asking something as simple as, "Right now, can I make a request?"
Example: "Can you come and hug me? Can you say a kind word to me?" Your partner should comply. |
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Keep working at giving each other "gifts" until a shift occurs and you can see your partner without judgment.
"Once couples can rely on these gifts, the safety arena will go up and the defensive barriers go down." — Dr. Hendrix | | | |
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Instructions for life in the new Millennium from the Dalai Lama
1. Take into account that great love and great achievements involve great risk.
2. When you lose, don't lose the lesson.
3. Follow the three Rs: Respect for self, respect for others and responsibility for all your actions.
4. Remember that not getting what you want is sometimes a wonderful stroke of luck.
5. Learn the rules so you know how to break them properly.
6. Don't let a little dispute injure a great friendship.
7. When you realize you've made a mistake, take immediate steps to correct it.
8. Spend some time alone every day.
9. Open your arms to change, but don't let go of your values.
10. Remember that silence is sometimes the best answer.
11. Live a good, honorable life. Then when you get older and think back, you'll be able to enjoy it a second time.
12. A loving atmosphere in your home is the foundation for your life.
13. In disagreements with loved ones, deal only with the current situation. Don't bring up the past.
14. Share your knowledge. It's a way to achieve immortality.
15. Be gentle with the Earth.
16. Once a year, go some place you've never been before.
17. Remember that the best relationship is one in which your love for each other exceeds your need for each
other.
18. Judge your success by what you had to give up in order to get it.
19. Approach love and cooking with reckless abandon.
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| I need reasons. I need proof. I will know it when and if it is real. | | |
| The bad truth is still better than a good lie | | |
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